sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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