Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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