I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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