There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
