Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
