im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
