She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
