As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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