have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
