mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
