saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
