He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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