cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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