I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
