I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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