would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
