Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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