Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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