we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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