Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
