I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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