I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
