So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
