Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
