Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize