Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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