You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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