I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
