The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There r osticjed everywhere
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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