jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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