her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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