I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
