I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
