We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
