That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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