I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
