He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
