Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
