Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
