I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
As shirtless as possible
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He shit in the fireplace
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
