I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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