things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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