6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
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I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize