Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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