how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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