Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
