I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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