U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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