I want to make a zoo with you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
