Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
