I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
