false alarm. still invincible.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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