Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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