I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
