he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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