i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
