i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
