just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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