Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
