I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
