i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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