I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
