you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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