I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
