If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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