chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
