I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
