rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
