Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
