Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize